I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Enjoy the penises
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
