haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
