Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
