I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
