just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
