The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
