Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
