She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize