So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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