the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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