I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You pole danced in your parka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
