smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
