Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
