Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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