i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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