That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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