yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
