I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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