Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize