butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
