Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
