This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
