Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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