If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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