Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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