I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
