Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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