I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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