Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
