I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
