pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
