Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
