I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
