I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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