Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
