If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
