There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
