Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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