You really coming over, don't trick.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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