how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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