Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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