Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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