saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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