I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
