I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
