Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
