i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
