we're blogging at a bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
