the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize