I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
