Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
