my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
