Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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