TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
