Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
