I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
