I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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