I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
