can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
