He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
