it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
