i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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