My friends, they love my intelligence
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
