I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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