dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
