Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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