Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
